Stop Saying Fuck All The Fucking Time

A short rant about obscenity

As much as I am a fan of what is likely the most versatile word in the English language, the trend of swearing in inappropriate places to appear edgy needs to stop. If you’re writing books with ‘witty’ titles such as Un-Fuck Yourself, Everything is Fucked, Shit for Brains, or Stop Doing That Shit (all of which I recently saw on a single bookshelf), I would just like to point out how incredibly annoying and lame you are. Why? Because you’re trying too hard, in a society that no longer cares about the obscene and grotesque.

Seen at an airport recently

We no longer live in the 1990s, when you couldn’t swear on TV. Nobody thinks you’re breaking boundaries or crossing lines, except perhaps your publishers who fancy themselves clever because they love it when Bill Maher smokes a joint. To the rest of us, you merely look like Brian Griffin: a wannabe writer, pseudo-intellectual, liberal prick.

Yes, there was a time when George Carlin rebelled against the seven words you couldn’t say on TV, and Tony DeVito’s swearing carried Goodfellas like a short, Sicilian Atlas. But are we really this unoriginal as a society? Can’t we collectively agree that the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction?

Modern artists painting Jesus with human feces because they want to be called bold and brave is just gross and unnecessary. Feminists baking bread with their vaginal yeast or “laying eggs” while standing naked in public isn’t artistic; it’s pathetic and so, so boring. We aren’t outraged, we’re bored.

These edgelords want us to be the puritan mob that called Alice Cooper satanic, but we’re not. They so desperately want to be martyrs of a noble cause, but they’re not. They are surrounded by sycophants who cheer these silly stunts while the rest of us roll our eyes and hope against hope that the next Disney movie won’t bash us over the head with trite moral posturing.

That’s all. Stop swearing in inappropriate places, you fucking fuckers.